My name is M.J. I have a B.A. in psychology from Smith College, and I’m a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. I’m also in the process of becoming a certified yoga teacher in order to offer safe, adaptable, and joyful movement for all sorts of human bodies.

I became a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor because I wanted to offer others the peace I found when I let go of diet culture and relearned to trust my body.

My fractured relationship with food and my own body arose from a complicated set of factors. #1 I had experienced food insecurity for a large portion of my early life. #2 As a person with chronic health and pain issues, I felt challenged and dismayed by the rapid onset of changes in my body, both internally and externally, that I experienced after a long period of being bedridden. #3 As a nonbinary person, weight gain emphasized certain parts of my body that increased gender dysphoria. #4 Just like everyone else, I grew up steeped in diet culture.

For much of my life, I believed that I was naturally smaller-bodied. Until my mid-forties, if you had asked me if I had ever been on a diet, I would have said no. And I wouldn’t have been lying to you. I was lying to myself. I truly believed that many of the behaviors I engaged in to control my weight were just healthy lifestyle preferences. They weren’t.

I grew up in a household where I saw my mom drink Slimfast and compulsively exercise to Joanie Greggains, then beat herself up when she got hungry and ate real food. She was caught in a cycle of yo-yo dieting and unable to ever achieve lasting weight loss. It was the same story for her parents and most of her seven siblings. Negative body talk was rampant. Is it any wonder that it became intergenerational? I cannot even list all of the diets, medications, and procedures I watched family members use to manipulate their weight. It never worked long term. And not because they were lazy or lacked willpower. Because it doesn’t work. Full stop.

After a long period of unintentional weight loss and being bedridden due to the sudden onset of a chronic health condition, I eventually began to heal and regained my ability to get out of bed and to eat normally again. Both my metabolism and my ability to engage in physical activity had undergone significant changes. Because of these changes, my external body changed significantly, too. I struggled with these changes, and got swept up in diet culture without even realizing what I was doing to myself. I lost a little bit of weight, then gained it back, plus more. Sound familiar?

Of course it does. Because this is how dieting goes for almost everyone who tries it. At some point, I realized that it wasn’t working, and that it was never going to work. All it did was tank my self-esteem and leave me feeling perpetually hungry and sad. So I looked for something different. Intuitive Eating was that something.

I will never lie to you and tell you that I never struggle with my body image. But what I can tell you with full honesty is this: I know that my weight does not define me. I know that it is the least interesting part of my being. I know that bodies of all sizes are worthy of respect and kindness. I know that health and size are not synonymous, and that health is out of reach for some folks no matter what they weigh. And I know that dieting is never healthy.

I enjoy food again. I enjoy moving my body again. Not perfectly. Not every moment of every day. But most of the time. And I deserve every moment of that enjoyment.

So do you.